BFN

I don't understand.


What are we doing wrong?


Pina Cola, anyone?

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Blood test result -

NEGATIVE! I knew it, it's ok I was prepared. I just wish she would hurry up and get here so we can start next cycle already.

One thing the nurse told me was that now they want me to come in for a Saline Ultrasound of my uterus. I will have to do some research on this, it will cost $200 out of pocket because of my stupid insurance. She did say it was not nearly as painful as the HSG, thank God. I would not do that again. The Nurse said that notation was put in there the day of my HSG I really wish someone would have called and told me that then, did we just waste a cycle? I am kind of pissed right now.

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I tested and it was negative (of course)

I broke down and tested and got a BFN, I am broken . . .

I feel so lost. I didn't expect it to happen with our first IUI but damn the timing was so perfect with it being Valentines Day and my Birthday, how could we fail. Why do I always fail? I don't know how to tell my husband. 


I will leave you with this quote from Murgdan, this is how I feel. . . 

"Why can't this be enough for us?"

Instead of conception being initiated through love, happiness, warmth...it will be instigated through discomfort, prodding, plastic and metal. Pain. Instead of strong arms holding me close, cold stirrups will hold my feet in an awkward position. I will be penetrated only by a steel large gauge needle, a plastic catheter, and an ultrasound wand. Some people may worry about the cost of raising a child in this uncertain world; we worry that our cost will be greater that the mere money we stand to lose if there is a failure. Making love just isn't enough to get us pregnant. 

So as my husband holds me, whispering about love and all the rest, all I can do is wonder . . .

"Why can't this be enough for us?"

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On to cycle 16

I tested this morning and got another BFN! I didn't really expect it to be anything else. I am so over not succeeding at this. TTC is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to face and for dh and I as a couple. I have already called the doctors office to call me Monday morning to discuss starting the Clomid this cycle. I know she wanted to wait until DH has his SA done but that could be another few months. His insurance is not being handled quickly from the HR people and we still have not received his insurance card in the mail. The only testing facility that accepts SA's is an hour away. I am really at loss right now on what to do or where to go from here. I never would have guess that it would take more than 16 months to get pregnant when so many women get pregnant after a one night stand, etc. I will post again when I here from the doctors office.

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