Natural birth? I may be rethinking that.

I woke up this morning excited about the IUI taking place this morning because it might actually work this time and because we will find out if I am pregnant in Costa Rica, surrounded by loved ones. I even put a Playboy magazine out for The Captain (since he was collecting his man juice at home this time) and guess what! I think it did the trick. His count post wash was. . .

million!

I know. Right? So, are we still dealing with Male Infertility Factor? Things could not have been going better, until she couldn't get the catheter in my cervix. It was not cooperating. She had to open the speculum wider and put a lot of pressure on my cervix to get it in. She got it. FINALLY! And then the cramping started. I. Thought. I. Was. Going. to. Die. It was like the HSG all over again. If you don't remember, here it is.

Good Spillage

I laid on the table for about 5 minutes and then my hands and feet started tingling and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I got enough strength to put my pants on and go get the nurse. She said it was normal since she had to put so much pressure on my cervix and to go lay down. She brought me juice. Then she says to me "I hate to tell you this but that is exactly what labor pains, contractions feel like" Excuse me, what? 

I have always thought I would have a natural birth without any intervention. Please tell me it isn't that bad.

Is it?

Is it?

Please say no. . .

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What needle?

Let me start by saying I hate needles, shots, getting blood drawn, etc. Hate them. I was not exactly thrilled when I thought The Captain was going to have to work last night and I would have to do the trigger shot myself, but his brother worked at the restaurant for him so he was able to do it. He has the best kid gloves! Better than any nurse or tech I have ever had. I didn't even feel the needle at all. He said, "okay close your eyes" and then "okay I'm done". Just like that. Over. Whew! We couldn't even find the injection site afterward so yeah, the needle was pretty small. But still scary.

So far so good, no side effects. We go at 9:00 am tomorrow. Everything's crossed except my legs. <3

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Countdown to IUI #4. . .

I had my follicle scan this afternoon and it went great! My doctors office requires you to have at least 1 follicle at 19 mm to move forward with the trigger shot and IUI. I had one at 23 mm. She didn't tell me what the rest were but that is okay with me. I will do the trigger tonight and then Wednesday morning we go in for the insemination.

Tonight my blood will be pregnant! Because the injection is HCG I could pee on a stick and get two lines. Do I dare? It will be nice to NOT see a BFN for once. This is my first time doing the injection so I wonder. . .will I have "morning sickness" or other pregnancy signs from the injection? Will that give me a clue as to how I will feel when I do have HCG flowing through my veins?

Please tell me what your experiences were. . .

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We got the "All Clear. . ."

I went in for my baseline ultrasound today and got the "All clear for take off". I start the Lovidrel tonight for the next 5 days. I take 2 pills at the same time each night. I scheduled my next ultrasound for next Monday. They will measure my follicles and see if I am ready to ovulate. The Sonographer said that judging by my past charts she thinks I will be ready to trigger that night. That means that next Wednesday we will be doing our 4th IUI. I am a little anxious for this next cycle for two reasons:

Reason 1: This will be our first medicated IUI cycle so like anytime we try something new I get my hopes up.

Reason 2: I will know if this cycle worked the day we leave for Costa Rica. . .

Good vacation or bad vacation?

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Why does it cost so much?

For us to have a baby.


Emotional cost, cost of stress, financial cost, etc. Why do some people have to pay such hefty bills in order to have a baby when others get off scott free? We have to raise $700 for the next cycle in less than a week. Where am I supposed to get that kind of money? Friends, family? I can't ask them to fork over their hard earned money just so we can have a family. Can I? I really thought I would go to this meeting with Dr. T and come out excited, ready for the next step, not overwhelmed and ready to cry. Then my husband has to freak out because of the financial strain it is putting on us. DUH! We knew that in the end it would end up costing us everything to have a child.

The next step. . .is a medicated, monitored cycle with an HCG trigger injection. What does all that mean? It means I will go in on CD 3 (if I get my period) and have an ultrasound done to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries. I don't. I know I don't but whatever, we will appease Dr. T. Then I take Letrozole from CD-3-7. It will help make sure that I ovulate. On CD 12 I will go in for another ultrasound to check my follicle size and uterine lining, etc. That night I will take the HCG trigger shot, I am not looking forward to this, to trigger ovulation. The next day we go in for another IUI and wait two weeks again. Repeat as necessary. . .

I think I may want to take next month off and just do a natural cycle to save some money. The Captain does not want to do this. He says we will figure something out even if he has to sell his boat. Normally that would sound like getting rid of a toy, not for my husband. He is an avid fisherman. It. is. his. passion. He also uses the boat to do commercial fishing in the winter to help make extra money for us to pay off some of our other debts. I would hate to see him give up something else he loves for infertility. We have already lost a little of ourselves, hope, faith and a ton of money. Plus we are traveling out of town twice next month, once for his sisters college graduation and the second to Costa Rica. I would so rather enjoy those trips instead of counting pennies because we would have already spent $700.

I am not jumping the gun too much. I still have two days left in this dreaded two week wait that might change all our plans. We'll see. . .

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100th post, 22 million sperm

This is my 100th blog post and I sure thought I would be a mother by now. After today I may be, right? I know that one day when we are playing with our child(ren) I can look back at these posts and remember what we went through to have our child(ren). The Captain says to me every month "when we get pregnant and have our baby we won't remember any of this pain, there will be so much joy in our lives that none of this will matter". It does matter, to me. All this pain means that the day I take a pregnancy test and it says "pregnant" will be that much more meaningful. I don't want to forget all the pain we have been through it will make us appreciate our children all that much more. Just like the poem says "I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I have ever known."

The Captain had 22 million sperm post wash and the motility increased post wash!! That is amazing numbers considering the last IUI they only put 10 million back. We feel good about this cycle, everything is laying out right this month. Double the amount of sperm, timing is perfect, The Captain is off today and tomorrow so no delayed BD'ing.

We did go ahead and schedule our consultation for our next step before my 2 weeks are up though. The nurse said we should schedule it before my period is due so we don't miss out on the next cycle waiting to find out the next course of action. Good thinking. I am so glad they are willing to plan ahead. She said "who knows maybe this will mean you don't need the appointment after all". I like the way you think Nurse H. Murphy's Law and all, if we book the appointment then we won't need it, right?

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Smile!

Smile you are ovulating in 24-48 hours! I just called Dr. T and I am going tomorrow at 11:00 am for the IUI. The Captain has to be there at 9:30 am. I tell myself I am not going to get my hopes up but I can't help it I am shaking with excitement. I hope the next 21 hours go by really fast. . .

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Where is my Ace?

IUI #2 is a failure too. I knew it. Deep down I knew it the whole month. I want to think positively but I don't know how anymore.

In the high stakes game of trying to conceive I have a hand full of jokers. Why do other women get dealt Aces left and right and we are stuck with the Joker? Will I ever hold a winning hand?

I follow several infertility blogs and I made the mistake of checking out other blogs fellow infertiles follow. . .90% of them are pregnant now. That should give me hope but it doesn't, it makes me more upset that it seems to happen for everyone but us. I will be a great mother and The Captain will be a wonderful father so what's the hold up.

Either three strikes your out or third times a charm . . .

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11 dpIUI

I just looked at my chart and realized I am 11 dpIUI already. I feel nothing, no excitement, no pms symptoms, no sadness, just nothing. I am neutral.

This is the first month that The Captain and I haven't even talked about 2 ww signs/symptoms. In fact he asked me last night when we test and I told him this weekend, he couldn't believe a week already flew by. Me either. I don't feel pregnant. I don't think I am pregnant. I am just waiting for the next cycle like always.

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IUI #2 tomorrow

At 8:00 am! The Hubs is not going to be happy about this. He will not get home from work until after midnight and then we will have to leave the house by 7:15 am. We can collect at home and drive it there but I am pretty sure he will not want to get up extra early to put his man juice into a plastic cup. I am so excited I am shaking right now. Now another agonizingly long two weeks are ahead of me, again. . .

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We are getting a credit

I just heard back from Dr.T's office manager and Dr.T told them to credit us the first IUI. Whew! So we are getting that money back which will help pay for the next cycle and the ultrasound I need done on Monday. Thank God they realized they dropped the ball and we suffered. Maybe there is hope for them after all. LOL. My appointment is Monday at 11:00 and I will update you as soon as I know anything.

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4dpIUI

It is only 4 days past IUI and I am going crazy! The hubs told me he had baby dreams last night and I am taking that as a good sign. He told me it is the first time he has dreamed of babies. I am driving myself crazy by just waiting I need a distraction. I can do a facial and a pedicure but what I am supposed to do the other 238 hours until I can pee on a stick. The next 10 days are going to be long ones. . .

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1dpIUI (my birthday)

Yesterday was 1dpIUI (1 day past IUI) and it was coincidentally my birthday. I really hope I got the best birthday present this year even though I say that every year for every occasion.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about my birthday date. When I got home from work he had a hot bath drawn with candles and opera music playing for me to relax in before I had to get ready for dinner. God, I love this man.

Brownie point 1.

He has been telling me for the last week that he really wanted to take me to 'Ocean Prime' for my birthday but that we couldn't afford it. So I chose a new restaurant that was opening called 'Seasons 52' which is cheaper and we hadn't been there before. We're driving to the restaurant and I point it out to him, even though he has the GPS programmed, but alas he misses the turn.

I start telling him that he had to turn in back there and he gives me this coy smile and says "That's how you get to that restaurant but that isn't where we are going" 


"Huh?", I said. "Oh my gosh we are going to Ocean Prime aren't we?" 


"Yes ma'am" he replied. "Don't you worry about it I have it covered."


Brownie point 2

Turns out he was telling his parents how much he wanted to take me there but that we couldn't afford it so they gave him a gift certificate the night before. How sweet!

The food was delicious and the restaurant was gorgeous. I was only able to snag a few shots with my phone.

Exterior shot of the front doors

He had oysters, I don't like oysters so he ate all 12 himself

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Back from IUI

I am back from the clinic and just woke up from a nap. Everything went extremely well. Dh's count was 28 million! He hasn't had any SA's over 14 million so that was awesome. He joked that I got 28 million birthday presents early. Ha! 

We got finished and seriously needed to get something to eat, the only place that didn't have a 30 minute wait was Steak N Shake. LOL so romantic. We couldn't stop laughing because the servers probably were thinking "this guy can't find a better place to take his wife on Valentine's Day" . 

Fingers crossed, this is going to be the longest 2 weeks of our lives. . .

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IUI on V-Day

I got a positive this afternoon! We will be doing the IUI tomorrow on Valentines Day. I am so excited, the best part is my birthday is the next day. Double whammy!

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nothing to blog about

I feel like I have had nothing to blog about the last week or so. I am biding my time until I go see the RE on Monday. I am nervous, excited, and expectant (not in the good way). We have no idea what to expect from this visit but we are praying that it gets the ball rolling on a new treatment plan.

I went to see my sister in Alabama this past weekend, with my Dad for his birthday. It was a great trip but way too short. I overheard him talking to my Grandmother while we were up there about DH and I going to the RE. What I didn't overhear was what exactly he told her, if you ever want anyone to know something you tell my Grandmother. I got a call from my cousin yesterday and she didn't even say hello the first words out of her mouth were


"Is there something you want to tell me"


"Not that I am aware of, why what did you hear?"


"You are going to a fertility clinic Monday to be artificially inseminated and your Dad is paying for half and your in-laws are paying for the other half"


"Oh really, let me guess who you heard that from. . ." 


I don't know how my Dad got all that from me saying we have a consultation with an RE on Monday. Wow he is going to pay half and my in-laws are paying the other half! I hope that part of the story was true. Jeez you would think I would have been told that. I had to set her straight and I am sure everyone in Alabama thinks I am being inseminated on Monday, whatever.

It is going to be a very long 3 more days, thank God my weekend is chock full of things to do and hopefully it will fly by.

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First steps

Ever since spot appeared I started to freak out about making an appointment with an RE. If I don't do it soon then several months could go by and then we are looking at having a baby in 2011. I can't even say that aloud without hyperventilating. I called 3 specialists in the area that are highly recommended and was only able to reach 1 of them. We have a consultation scheduled for January 25th in the morning. I have no idea what to expect or even what he is going to ask. I am however a teensy bit excited that we are taking this next step. I have about a million forms to fill out in the mean time and I have to get all of our infertility records together before then. Eek we are really doing this. . .

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