Monday, May 24, 2010

2 weeks

A new kind of two week wait. I made an IVF consultation appointment for next Friday. I figure that gives us two weeks to wrap our heads around IVF and then hear what the Dr. T has to say. We will just do a natural cycle this time and if I want to we can do a natural IUI even though I feel it is a waste of money. So in the mean time I am in a new kind of two week wait. . .

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Back to reality

Back to reality.

Back to the grind stone.

I want to be back in Costa Rica. . .

I still have a bunch of blogs and TV shows to catch up on since we were gone all last week. At least my suitcase is finally unpacked. We had a wonderful time on vacation even though I wasn't preggers. AF decided to show the morning we left to come home so I didn't have to deal with her on the trip. We have to make a decision about what we are doing this month. I am emotionally exhausted and wanted to take a break from the constant doctors appointments and pills and shots. But I feel guilty about not doing everything in my power to conceive. I want The Captain to be a father for his birthday and Father's Day and if I don't try then I can't give him that.

We have been talking and we are ready to move onto IVF. I know that is a huge decision but I am tired of constantly being disappointed and waiting and throwing money at IUI's that aren't doing anything. How do I make that decision?

I hate this, I hate infertility. Does anyone have a magic 8 ball I could borrow?

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

BFN

I don't understand.


What are we doing wrong?


Pina Cola, anyone?

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Thursday, May 13, 2010

3 days!

In three days I will be in Costa Rica! I can't wait. My suitcase has been packed since Tuesday.

I am ready.

The Captain wants me to test Sunday morning when I wake up that way I know I can drink this week. That's what he's worried about? Not the fact that it could be positive and we will finally have a baby on the way but whether I can consume alcohol safely. Really?

So I will be testing Sunday morning and I will try really hard to remember to post the results before we go off the grid.

Three days.

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Saturday, May 8, 2010

'M' Day

Tomorrow is 'M' day. It's the third 'M' day since starting trying to conceive and there is still nothing to show for it. I can not celebrate tomorrow for myself. Am I expected to call my friend that lives across the street, 24 weeks pregnant? 

I don't know if I can. 

I don't know if I can.

Tomorrow I am going to the beach with my Mom and pray that she doesn't want to talk about me. You know she actually said to me the other day, "Have you considered the possibility that this just isn't going to happen for you". Is she kidding me? That would mean that we are giving up and that we are not going to have biological children, ever. That's a lot of grief, of course I have not considered it. Because I still have hope. We still have hope. How can my Mother say that to me? Does that mean she has stopped believing? Stopped supporting? 

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. . .

I hope the new mothers that I know have a wonderful 'M' Day tomorrow. I really do. 

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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Natural birth? I may be rethinking that.

I woke up this morning excited about the IUI taking place this morning because it might actually work this time and because we will find out if I am pregnant in Costa Rica, surrounded by loved ones. I even put a Playboy magazine out for The Captain (since he was collecting his man juice at home this time) and guess what! I think it did the trick. His count post wash was. . .






million!







I know. Right? So, are we still dealing with Male Infertility Factor? Things could not have been going better, until she couldn't get the catheter in my cervix. It was not cooperating. She had to open the speculum wider and put a lot of pressure on my cervix to get it in. She got it. FINALLY! And then the cramping started. I. Thought. I. Was. Going. to. Die. It was like the HSG all over again. If you don't remember, here it is.


I laid on the table for about 5 minutes and then my hands and feet started tingling and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I got enough strength to put my pants on and go get the nurse. She said it was normal since she had to put so much pressure on my cervix and to go lay down. She brought me juice. Then she says to me "I hate to tell you this but that is exactly what labor pains, contractions feel like" Excuse me, what? 

I have always thought I would have a natural birth without any intervention. Please tell me it isn't that bad.

Is it?

Is it?

Please say no. . .

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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What needle?

Let me start by saying I hate needles, shots, getting blood drawn, etc. Hate them. I was not exactly thrilled when I thought The Captain was going to have to work last night and I would have to do the trigger shot myself, but his brother worked at the restaurant for him so he was able to do it. He has the best kid gloves! Better than any nurse or tech I have ever had. I didn't even feel the needle at all. He said, "okay close your eyes" and then "okay I'm done". Just like that. Over. Whew! We couldn't even find the injection site afterward so yeah, the needle was pretty small. But still scary.

So far so good, no side effects. We go at 9:00 am tomorrow. Everything's crossed except my legs. <3

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Monday, May 3, 2010

Countdown to IUI #4. . .

I had my follicle scan this afternoon and it went great! My doctors office requires you to have at least 1 follicle at 19 mm to move forward with the trigger shot and IUI. I had one at 23 mm. She didn't tell me what the rest were but that is okay with me. I will do the trigger tonight and then Wednesday morning we go in for the insemination.

Tonight my blood will be pregnant! Because the injection is HCG I could pee on a stick and get two lines. Do I dare? It will be nice to NOT see a BFN for once. This is my first time doing the injection so I wonder. . .will I have "morning sickness" or other pregnancy signs from the injection? Will that give me a clue as to how I will feel when I do have HCG flowing through my veins?

Please tell me what your experiences were. . .

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