Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is the last day I will have access to the internet. Nooooo! What will I do? So I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my blog friends. I hope you eat lots of turkey, take naps in front of the tv, and enjoy time with family. Have a good weekend and I will back on Monday.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Spoke to soon

She is here...

I am so sad and angry. I thought for sure that 2009 would bring us our BFP. I can not believe that it has been almost a whole year without success. Does this ever get easier? I am at work trying not to cry my eyes out right now. Why can't it be our turn? I have been ready to be a Mom for such a long time, it is so unfair. I need to go crawl in a hole and prepare myself for next week. My relatives can be a little insensitive to the whole infertility thing. My Grandmother constantly says "we have to get you a baby" no shit, really? Ever since my cousin had her baby that is all I hear. You don't think I have been trying to give you a Great Grandchild. Ugh stupid people.

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AF where are you? (results from PD too)

This will probably be a long post so bear with me. Af has not arrived, FF says today is the day yet there is no sign of her arrival. My temps went back up today, wth is going on? I am so confused this cycle. I am so afraid to test. I would so rather see that Biatch then a stark white stick anyday. After 100 of them it gets a little old. Please look at my chart and tell me what you think. From what I can tell it doesn't resemble any past charts, AF usually starts the day of the drop, hmpfh

DH visited the lovely PD (penis doctor) today and he had to give me some news first:

Dh says "oh guess what Dr. Z had an intern with him today"

Me "oh that's cool, I guess"

DH "yeah, it was a girl (pause) and he wanted to see my balls again, this is the funnest day ever" hint of sarcasm

Hee! Well by the time we have a baby do you know how many people are going to see my vajay-jay. Anyway, the first SA he had done everything was normal except low sperm count of 2 million, normal is 20 million or so. He had to do 2 more 2 weeks apart with being on new male fertility vitamins. The first one everything normal count went up to 4 million (yay doubled still low) last weeks was 4.1 million. EVEN HIGHER! So the vitamins are working. Now has to have a boat load of blood work done to see if there are hormonal reasons. After all that is done then we should move to IUI and do a testicle biopsy at that time. So it looks like my plan to go see the RE next month won't be happening. He goes back Dec 4th to get the results of all the blood work, I pray that it is an easy fix or that I am pregnant and we can forget about all this non-sense. Wish me luck.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

scared from a tv show!

I love Criminal Minds and I watch all the old reruns every day when I get home from work. Well the other night this episode was on about a serial rapist and I have already been watching it for a half hour then toward the end it is revealed the rapis targets women who are going to a fertility clinic and who are on Clomid!!! What!? I was totally freaked out because that could have easiliy been me or any of you. Needless to say I couldn't sleep that night, probably why my temps are all erratic. Maybe I should stay away from shows like that before bedtime. Chime in if you saw that episode or if you would be scared too.

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

SA #2 down, 9 dpo

DH made it to his SA yesterday on time, what a miracle. He says he is done with this lab though, we should have paid the $110 to have the RE do it instead. There office is 3 miles from our house where the lab is 30 miles from the house. He goes back the PD (do you remember what that stands for?) hee, next Wednesday to hear all the results. Please pray that it is good news. Today I am 9 dpo, I think, I don't feel any different than I do every month so I am not getting my hopes up. DH and I had a long talk last night about our plans for the future.

On infertility:
After this cycle if we don't concieve we are going to see the RE for a consultation and begin either IUI or IVF depending on what she says. I told him that I don't think I can hit the 2 year mark without insanity, he agreed. He even said he would sell some of his stock so that we didn't have to take out a loan, this is huge he has been holding on to his stocks for about 10 years. Although at this point I don't care how much it costs, I would pay a million dollars if it meant we got to one day hold our baby in our arms.

On when we have a baby:
I have been struggling with what kind of father DH will be. I know he will be a great one but how involved. Let me tell you he LOVES his sleep and he is a very hard sleeper. For some reason we have never talked specifics on whose duty will be what. I was honestly really surprised that he said the 2 days off he has a week (which are in the middle of the week) our child will be home with him and not in daycare. What? That is awesome, I didn't know he felt so strongly about that. I thought it would be the crazy, overprotective mother who was so adament about having the baby home with them, not him. Awe, it melted my heart.
Have I told you how much I love this man?

I think I have a pretty good chart going right now, my temp went up a little this morning. As I said I am not getting my hopes up so I won't test again this cycle until after AF is late, oh boy that is right before we leave for our Thanksgiving trip to visit my family. Lets hope I can hold it together if it is a BFN.

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Sunday, November 8, 2009

empty house

My sister has been here for 3 weeks visiting and she left his morning. I am sad but I will see her in 14 days when I go up to visit her. Yes, we can't be away from each other for very long. What can I say it's a twin thing.

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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Migraine sufferer

One thing I don't reveal about my self very often is that I am a chronic Ophthalmic Migraine. 

This visual aura can be very dramatic. Classically, a small blind spot appears in the central vision with a shimmering, zig-zag light inside of it. This enlarges, and moves to one side or the other of the vision, over a 20 to 30 minute period. When it is large, this crescent shaped blind spot containing this brightly flashing light can be difficult to ignore.

In fact I am getting one right now so forgive my typing I can only see about 50% right now. Here is what my vision looks like right before I get a headache. It starts out as a pin prick blind spot and I have to rub my eyes to see if my mind is playing tricks on me or not. Then in about 10 minutes it covers half of my vision, by the time it moves out of sight, WHAM, migraine headache. Have you ever had a camera flash go off in your face and you can't see for a minute? That is what it is like for about 30 minutes!!!


I have been getting migraines since I was in kindergarten. Imagine how scary it is for a 5 year old to loose half her vision for 30 mintues and then get a pain so severe in her head that she begins puking from the pain. I can not take anything once I get the Aura it comes way too fast for anything to take effect and most migraine medicines give me really bad side effects. I was on a preventative for years and maybe got 1 every 4 months or so. Lovely! Well when I went back to my neurologist he asked if I was planning on having kids, this is how our conversation went:

Doc: Are you and your husband planning on starting a family?

Me: Yes, in fact we have been trying to coceive for sometime without success.

Doc: Oh, any of the medicines needed to take for prevention have not been proven safe for expectant mothers.

Me: What!? I can't go without this.

Doc: It isn't known to cause harm we just aren't certain that it won't. Try to go without taking the prescription and if you can't live without it then start taking it again.

Yeah right like I am going to take a prescription that I am not sure is safe for yet coceived child. If I miscarry OMG the guilt I will feel. So the conclusion to my story is I have been off the medicine for about 6 months with only a few migraines to show for it. I can do this I am cured. WROOOONNNNGGGG! I guess I still had a trace of the Elavil left in my system because I have had 4 migraines in the past 10 days. That's right almost every other day I have gotten one. So what should I do? I am seriously considering filling that prescription. What would you do? I am sorry that this is so long but I had to explain it right. Help!

Pained and confused.

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

photo montage from my day at Disney

Halloween was my Mom's birthday so she wanted to go to Hollywood Studios. Here some of the finer moments.

This is me trying to fit my hands in Pee Wee Herman's. My nickname growing up and to this day is Pee-wee because I could talk like him and did all the time.



My Mom chose to sit by Neil Diamond, she loves him

We got to meet Goofy and he was being Goofy


We traveled to Narnia and met Prince Caspian, oooooh aaaaah


I had the biggest sandwich for lunch and the Starring Roles Cafe


Lighting McQueen and Mator, like Tomator without the To!


Our lovely 3-D glasses for the Muppet Vision show (you know you want a pair)


I can't figure out how to rotate it in blogger, sorry


We went to the Animation Academy and you learn how to draw like the Animators, I think we did pretty damn good for not being allowed to have an eraser!



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