Off to Tally. . .

You've got to fight, fight, fight for FSU,
You've got to scalp 'em Seminoles.




My sister in law is graduating from FSU tomorrow so we are off to Tally to celebrate. The whole family is going. Tallahassee watch out! I am so proud of my sister in law, she is the only sibling to graduate from college. It will be a big day for her parents tomorrow too. She already has the whole trip planned out for us.

You've got to win, win, win, win, win this game,
And roll on down and make those goals.



We are driving up after the restaurant closes tonight. It is the last day of the month so that means INVENTORY. Ugh! We won't be on the road until 1:00 am which means won't get to Tally until 4:00 am, maybe later. The Captain's brother is driving up with us so at least I can sleep the whole way. :)

For FSU is on the warpath now,
and at the battles end she's great.


Tomorrow her class is graduating at 2:00 pm so we will have brunch before and then dinner after. After dinner we are bar hopping. I am so excited! The last time we did this was in New York last year but it was just the girls and we had a blast. We get to show the boys how it's done!

So fight, fight, fight, fight to victory,
The Seminoles of Florida State.









I am expecting a hangover for the drive home Sunday. . .

F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E
Florida State, Florida State, Florida State!

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We got the "All Clear. . ."

I went in for my baseline ultrasound today and got the "All clear for take off". I start the Lovidrel tonight for the next 5 days. I take 2 pills at the same time each night. I scheduled my next ultrasound for next Monday. They will measure my follicles and see if I am ready to ovulate. The Sonographer said that judging by my past charts she thinks I will be ready to trigger that night. That means that next Wednesday we will be doing our 4th IUI. I am a little anxious for this next cycle for two reasons:

Reason 1: This will be our first medicated IUI cycle so like anytime we try something new I get my hopes up.

Reason 2: I will know if this cycle worked the day we leave for Costa Rica. . .

Good vacation or bad vacation?

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Third time is NOT a charm

That's right folks, the witch came at 2:30 this morning. I haven't slept since. Cramps have kept me awake since 2:30 am. I don't know how I will make it through the day, plus I am working at the restaurant tonight. Lots of caffeine in my future!

Surprisingly I am okay with this, I think deep down I expected it. I always expect it. We are going ahead with the new protocol this month. We just can't let one cycle go by without doing something, it seems so unproductive. We are excited once again to try something new that will bring us a baby. I will call this morning and schedule a cd 3 ultrasound (Sunday) to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries, if I don't than we can go ahead with the Lovitrale, cd 3-7. I hope this will be the magic combination to bring us a BFP.

After all setbacks are what teaches us and makes us stronger. I will be stronger, braver and a better mother. I will keep chanting this for the rest of the day. Thank you and stayed tuned. . .

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Is this a gift?

My husband and I are infertile, that is what Doctors classify us as, and with this title comes many struggles and setbacks. Are they gifts though? Why not? Our struggle makes us different, it makes us better. Setbacks teach us and shape us and I realized how different The Captain and I would be without them. So, maybe I should start thinking about our infertility as a gift.

A gift that has brought us the closest we have ever been. I know now without a doubt that we can make it through any thing life throws us. We already have. We are still getting through one of the darkest times in our marriage, our lives. I wonder who we would be without this gift. Would we be grateful for the children we would have by now? Or resent them for taking away our freedom? I can better understand others pain because I myself have felt it. Why is it so hard for us to see that our setbacks are gifts?

Setbacks, we face them everyday, every week, every month. Some make us stumble. Others bring us to our knees. Each setback brings the opportunity to rise up, to be stronger, better, and braver than before. That is exactly what I plan to do!

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Why does it cost so much?

For us to have a baby.


Emotional cost, cost of stress, financial cost, etc. Why do some people have to pay such hefty bills in order to have a baby when others get off scott free? We have to raise $700 for the next cycle in less than a week. Where am I supposed to get that kind of money? Friends, family? I can't ask them to fork over their hard earned money just so we can have a family. Can I? I really thought I would go to this meeting with Dr. T and come out excited, ready for the next step, not overwhelmed and ready to cry. Then my husband has to freak out because of the financial strain it is putting on us. DUH! We knew that in the end it would end up costing us everything to have a child.

The next step. . .is a medicated, monitored cycle with an HCG trigger injection. What does all that mean? It means I will go in on CD 3 (if I get my period) and have an ultrasound done to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries. I don't. I know I don't but whatever, we will appease Dr. T. Then I take Letrozole from CD-3-7. It will help make sure that I ovulate. On CD 12 I will go in for another ultrasound to check my follicle size and uterine lining, etc. That night I will take the HCG trigger shot, I am not looking forward to this, to trigger ovulation. The next day we go in for another IUI and wait two weeks again. Repeat as necessary. . .

I think I may want to take next month off and just do a natural cycle to save some money. The Captain does not want to do this. He says we will figure something out even if he has to sell his boat. Normally that would sound like getting rid of a toy, not for my husband. He is an avid fisherman. It. is. his. passion. He also uses the boat to do commercial fishing in the winter to help make extra money for us to pay off some of our other debts. I would hate to see him give up something else he loves for infertility. We have already lost a little of ourselves, hope, faith and a ton of money. Plus we are traveling out of town twice next month, once for his sisters college graduation and the second to Costa Rica. I would so rather enjoy those trips instead of counting pennies because we would have already spent $700.

I am not jumping the gun too much. I still have two days left in this dreaded two week wait that might change all our plans. We'll see. . .

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Germinating

We may not be successful at growing a baby but damn we are good gardeners. At least there is something that we are good at getting to reproduce. Mangos! The Captain got this hair brained idea to grow a mango tree from the Mango seed of the fruit he was eating. We have been very successful at getting our little seed to sprout and he is growing strong. 

These are the Mangos that I bought at the market and the little seed came from

we put the little guy in a souffle cup of water for a few days until it sprouted

Can you see the little sprout coming out the end of it? Now it is time to plant it in some soil.

We dug a small hole about 2 inches down and must keep it watered all the time. Roughly a week later there it is, our little tree. Can you see it? It is a little off center toward the bottom of the pot.

Two weeks after planting it in the soil. Isn't it beautiful. We created a life! Grow little guy grow!

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Namaste & Pura Vida

 Yes, I did this pose last night!

Who knew you could be sore after a yoga session? I found out that the rec center down the street from my house offers yoga to residents for $5 a session. That is a steal! So, I thought I would check it out last night; I used to do Pilates with my sister but I haven't done it since she moved away. Yoga should be a piece of cake, right? Ha! I can barely walk, sit, stand, you name it. My. legs. hurt. so. bad. I did feel extremely relaxed when I left though which was the goal. I think I am going to go again on Thursday and see if I can stretch some of this lactic acid out of my legs.

The Captain and two other couples are going to Costa Rica in May and they do yoga by the beach every morning. I can't wait, I bet that is so beautiful. The Captain's parents own two condos in Jaco, Costa Rica and we have been many times over the last 8 years but this will be the first time we go with just friends. Pura Vida means Pure Life. Pura Vida is the Costa Rican way of life. Here are some pictures of the resort where our condos are. . .

Bedrooms in the condo

 The pool

The sunset view every night!

Jealous yet? 

Club Del Mar

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100th post, 22 million sperm

This is my 100th blog post and I sure thought I would be a mother by now. After today I may be, right? I know that one day when we are playing with our child(ren) I can look back at these posts and remember what we went through to have our child(ren). The Captain says to me every month "when we get pregnant and have our baby we won't remember any of this pain, there will be so much joy in our lives that none of this will matter". It does matter, to me. All this pain means that the day I take a pregnancy test and it says "pregnant" will be that much more meaningful. I don't want to forget all the pain we have been through it will make us appreciate our children all that much more. Just like the poem says "I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I have ever known."

The Captain had 22 million sperm post wash and the motility increased post wash!! That is amazing numbers considering the last IUI they only put 10 million back. We feel good about this cycle, everything is laying out right this month. Double the amount of sperm, timing is perfect, The Captain is off today and tomorrow so no delayed BD'ing.

We did go ahead and schedule our consultation for our next step before my 2 weeks are up though. The nurse said we should schedule it before my period is due so we don't miss out on the next cycle waiting to find out the next course of action. Good thinking. I am so glad they are willing to plan ahead. She said "who knows maybe this will mean you don't need the appointment after all". I like the way you think Nurse H. Murphy's Law and all, if we book the appointment then we won't need it, right?

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Smile!

Smile you are ovulating in 24-48 hours! I just called Dr. T and I am going tomorrow at 11:00 am for the IUI. The Captain has to be there at 9:30 am. I tell myself I am not going to get my hopes up but I can't help it I am shaking with excitement. I hope the next 21 hours go by really fast. . .

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Ah-Choo!

Is it smoke? Is it smog? No, it's pollen! This is a photo taken from a skyscraper in downtown Tampa. No wonder I can't stop sneezing and my eyes are itchy and swollen. My black car is now yellow, it does no good to wash it because in 20 minutes it will be yellow again. Spring has definitely sprung in Florida.

My poor dog, Devlin, who is a hairless Chinese Crested has had a  really bad allergic reaction to the pollen and is now on antibiotics and antihistamine meds. I had to take him to the vet yesterday to get a steroid shot and some drugs. He had a rash all on the underside of his body. Poor thing.

I <3 spring but this is a little ridiculous, no?

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Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope everyone has a blessed day. I am going to my in-laws house for brunch and then I am laying out by the pool the rest of the day. I love living in Florida! We finally have our 80 degree spring days. I hope this year the Easter Bunny brings me really good eggs, I should ovulate any day now and we can go in for our 3rd IUI.

The Captain is so sweet he bought my a magnolia tree for our backyard because I love the smell of Magnolia flowers. And he bought me some spring flowers to plant. Oh and I can't forget the Cadbury eggs that I just can't live without. I have the best husband!

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Wishes

Genie, where are you? Where is the magical lamp that when you rub it a genie pops out and grants you three wishes? I wish it was that easy to get my wishes granted. I have been praying for the same things for 2 years and I wonder if they will ever be granted. I know they will in God's time. "Thy will be done" not mine, I know that. These are my wishes. . .

Genie, I wish that infertility didn't exist and those whose wombs are empty be filled

Genie, I wish for world peace

Genie, I wish that when I ask The Captain to do something he does it, not two weeks later

And some more random wishes that are floating around in my brain this morning. . .

I wish that when I want chocolate all I have to say is "bring me chocolate" and poof it appears

I wish my bathroom always stayed soap scum free and I never have to scrub it again

I wish that The Captain automatically put the seat down everytime

I wish my parents weren't going through a divorce

I wish my sister still lived here


I wish leprechauns existed, I could use a wee bit o' luck


If you had a Genie what would you wish for?


 

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