The Captain's last fishing trip. . .for awhile

Remember that fishing trip a few weeks ago where I made shirts and promised I would post about them? That one? I am finally getting around to it. Actually I was waiting for the pictures off his friends camera.

This is the logo on the front of the shirt. I made it in photoshop and then printed them onto iron-on transfer paper.

I used a fat graffiti marker and a stencil to write on the backs of the shirts.

They caught a ton of fish and had the trip of their lives, that's what counts, right? They weren't able to find the oil so maybe that means it isn't as close to our shores as the news seems to think. 

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A lot to do and no time for blogging

Ever feel that way? I do right now. There is so much going on I can’t think straight. There is so much I want to tell you about too. This will probably be a long post, I hope you’re ready. Here is the run down:

Beginning the IVF process; blood work, financial arrangements, applications. We both still need some outstanding blood work done, you know like if we have HIV or Hepatitis. I can save myself a couple hundred dollars if they would take my word for it, we don’t have either. The Captain has to do another dreaded Semen Analysis for the application. I need to do the financing application and meet with the in-laws; they are going to give us some money to help pay out of pocket expenses. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who have offered to donate some meds. I already receive a bunch of Follistim from an angel, Melissa. You don’t know how much that generosity means to me. Thank you!

I am planning a baby shower for my good friend who is 7 months pregnant. The shower is less than 3 weeks away. Not the most fun thing I want to do right now but she is a good friend of mine and has no family here, so I am being brave and stepping up to the plate. At least she wants a 4^th of July theme for the party instead of baby stuff; that would have been way too difficult for me to handle. I love hosting and throwing parties so I am having a blast planning. I have found a ton of chic red, white and blue things to use as decorations that are not all Abe Lincoln, American flag, and fire works (CHEESY) I will post pictures once I get some things made and of the room.

Working basically 3 jobs. I help my Dad with his property management, 2 nights a week at the restaurant, my full time Interior Design job. I love working at the restaurant, I get to see The Captain more and it’s an extra $200 a month into the baby account. I can’t give that up. My Dad pays me too, I think it’s just an excuse to give me money cause he feels sorry for us.

My parents are getting a divorce and playing tug of war with me. You know the baby shower I am throwing; well it is being held at my dad’s new condo building. They have a beautiful Club Room that is free to rent out. I couldn’t pass up a free venue, could I? Well when my mom got the invitation she flipped out on me.

“Why didn’t you tell me the shower was at your Dad’s place?

Well it is in his building but not in his condo.

“Well if he is going to be there then I am not going.”

Yes, he will be there M invited him, it is a co-ed shower. You should go for her, it’s their first baby. Can’t you put your feelings aside for a few hours? (I am)

“No, your father is pissing me off. I do not want to see him. I am looking out for me, you should have told me”.

Uh, please all she has been doing for the last year and a half is looking out for her. By the way what good would it have done if I did tell here where it was going to be held, she still would have decided not to go. I can’t win. They are constantly asking me if one or the other is going to be some where and I can’t take it anymore. You are 55 years old act like an adult!

Going out of town for 3 days next week for a friend’s wedding. The Captain is a groomsmen in his friends wedding next week. A week before the shower, I should be doing things for that. I will have no time except at night after work to finish decorations, shop for the menu, and start cooking for the shower.

Help me Rhonda. . .

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Discouraged, confused, bitter

That pretty much sums up how I am these days. I wish I could say overjoyed, happy, peaceful. Not yet. I just can't.


I spoke with the IVF coordinator today and the conversation left me more depressed than I already am. The good news is that to qualify for the Attain IVF program the only remaining pre-tests are blood work and a recent semen analysis by The Captain. That's the good news. Exciting right? The not so good news is that once we decide to start the IVF cycle there is a $450 deposit, non refundable if we change our mind. Then the bad news. . . I was expecting this to cost us roughly $18,000. Sha! Probably more like $24,000 and that doesn't include the cost of the meds which will range from $2,000 - 4,000. I know that we will have to finance the IVF we do not have that kind of cash. Celine Dion does but I do not. I don't think we can afford the monthly payments even. So now I am at a loss. 


I would pay just about anything to have The Captains child(ren) but I don't think they will let me finance this for 10 years. I could probably afford those monthly payments. Logically I am thinking about it like this: we were going to buy me a new car at some point, probably around $20,000 so can't we do the baby making thing instead? I am so confused, angry, bitter. Why can't I just make love to my husband and get pregnant like millions of other women? It's free!!


Option 1 - we do 3 IVF cycles 3 FET cycles with ICSI for $24,000. That does not include meds so tack on another $2,000 to $4,000 TOTAL $28,000 if we don't take home a baby then we get 75% of the money back.


Option 2 - we do 2 IVF cycles 2 FET cycles with ICSI for $18,000. not including meds TOTAL $22,000 There is no refund policy for this option.


can you see why I don't know what to do?

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Oil is coming

I can't believe I have not blogged about this topic yet. The oil is not far from us, it has already arrived in my hometown of Pensacola. It is so sad when I think about all those animals that are going to loose their lives. The Captain is going fishing tomorrow offshore, probably the last fishing trip for a few years. I am sure he will be a joy to live with without fishing to relieve his stress. But that's a whole other blog post.

They are heading out 60 miles off shore to fish and then they are going to go find the oil and take pictures. My task today is to make shirts that have the BP logo on them with a slash through it on the front and on the back FCUK BP! I will post some pictures when they are done.

Now it's off to Michaels for some paint. . .

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IVF Consultation

I am going through a million emotions right now after our consultation this morning. Excitement, sadness, anger and grief to name a few. More on those later. 

We get to Dr.T's office and the first thing he says to us is "so you two have been misbehaving, you were supposed to be an easy case. You are not being easy". "Shaa nothing about our TTC journey has been easy". The biggest thing is that The Captain's sperm is getting better and better and we still aren't pregnant therefore he doesn't think we are male infertility factor anymore. So it is either something with me that we just aren't seeing or unexplained infertility. I am thinking it is the latter. He basically gave us 3 options to choose from.

1. We do another 2-3 IUI cycles using Gonal-f cycle  with an HCG trigger. This means lots of blood work and ultrasound monitoring. Total cost per cycle approx. $2,000. (if they don't work we will have spent $6,000 for no baby)

2. He says there is about a 50/50 chance I have endometriosis (sp?). I have zero symptoms of this. I do not believe this is the cause of our infertility. So option 2 is to do a Laparoscopy & Hysterscopy to see what is going on in there. Then do more IUI's (I feel in my heart and soul that this is not the case so I feel surgery is a waste of money)

3. IVF (total cost $12,000) he said that I am a candidate to donate half of my eggs so that way we would be splitting the cost of the IVF in half. I just don't know how I feel about that. 

I am excited that we chose option 3. We explained that we are tired of throwing our money at IUI's and they aren't working. We could be putting that money toward IVF since we feel we will end up here anyway. He understood and agreed. I am sad that this means that sex is definitely out of the equation of conceiving our child. At least with the IUI's we have intercourse on top of it so we could believe that we conceived the old fashioned way. (that makes sense in my head) I am angry that this has to be our journey, it seems we can just never catch a break with anything. The moment we get ahead there is a roadblock. I hate it. I hate infertility.

We didn't schedule anything since I still have 2 weeks to go for this cycle anyway. I have to talk with the IVF coordinator and the billing coordinator to figure out the funding of this. We will do the shared risk program, of that I am sure. Which means we will pay for 3 at a discounted rate and if we aren't successful then we will get back 90% of our money. On June 15th we are attending there 2 hour IVF class. This road has been so long, we are ready to get to the end and start a new journey the one called parenthood. 

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