Discouraged, confused, bitter
That pretty much sums up how I am these days. I wish I could say overjoyed, happy, peaceful. Not yet. I just can't.
I spoke with the IVF coordinator today and the conversation left me more depressed than I already am. The good news is that to qualify for the Attain IVF program the only remaining pre-tests are blood work and a recent semen analysis by The Captain. That's the good news. Exciting right? The not so good news is that once we decide to start the IVF cycle there is a $450 deposit, non refundable if we change our mind. Then the bad news. . . I was expecting this to cost us roughly $18,000. Sha! Probably more like $24,000 and that doesn't include the cost of the meds which will range from $2,000 - 4,000. I know that we will have to finance the IVF we do not have that kind of cash. Celine Dion does but I do not. I don't think we can afford the monthly payments even. So now I am at a loss.
I would pay just about anything to have The Captains child(ren) but I don't think they will let me finance this for 10 years. I could probably afford those monthly payments. Logically I am thinking about it like this: we were going to buy me a new car at some point, probably around $20,000 so can't we do the baby making thing instead? I am so confused, angry, bitter. Why can't I just make love to my husband and get pregnant like millions of other women? It's free!!
Option 1 - we do 3 IVF cycles 3 FET cycles with ICSI for $24,000. That does not include meds so tack on another $2,000 to $4,000 TOTAL $28,000 if we don't take home a baby then we get 75% of the money back.
Option 2 - we do 2 IVF cycles 2 FET cycles with ICSI for $18,000. not including meds TOTAL $22,000 There is no refund policy for this option.
can you see why I don't know what to do?
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2 lovely notes from friends:
I know how hard of a decision this is. It sucks that we have to go through all of this and spend this kind of money for a CHANCE at having a baby!! ((HUGS))
Ugh. Im sorry you are having to face thsi decision. With US (not saying this is what you should do), when we came to the financial issue, it was a weigh between IVF (w/ PGD) and still possibly not achieving our ultimate goal, Surrogacy, or Adoption. We knew we couldnt do both if option A didnt work out. It was hard, it hurt to even think about it. But in the end we just wanted our kiddos, so here we are. And now, with the great tax credit for adoption, we may be able to try IVF down the road, since we wont be out much money for adoption.
I pray you find peace in whatever you choose. See if your RE doesnt have any meds they can donate? If you have to take lovenox, or estrogen patches, I can send you those for free to save you a few hundred dollars :)
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