Sunday, October 10, 2010

Who is this woman?

I feel like someone else has taken over my body and is the one saying "I'm pregnant". This is not me, I was not ever going to be able to say those words. That is what I felt and thought for a very long time. I don't know where I belong at the moment. I am pregnant but still an infertile, can I rejoice yet or is it too early? It still seems so surreal. I have some people in my life telling me I should have waited until after the first trimester before I told anyone. But I have waited 30 months to tell my family and those that have been there routing us on that I am pregnant. I wanted to share that with them, they have been on this road right along side us through all the ups and downs. Every time I called a family member to tell them they would start screaming into the phone and rejoicing, then we would cry together. I have waited, they have waited, for that moment for a very long time. It was just as I imagined it. My Grandmother is still hoping for another set of twin grandchildren, I hope and pray I can give them to her. 

Every time The Captain rubs my belly, smiles and says it is his lucky charm(s) I think I am going to burst. My heart is busting at the seams with joy. He used to tell me every time we had a BFN that "the day we get pregnant all this pain will just disappear and there will be so much joy you won't remember any of this". He was right to a degree, there is a ton of joy but I won't forget what we went through to get here. That is what will make me a better mother. 

I am a mother, holy moly.

4 lovely notes from friends:

Kelly October 10, 2010 at 2:00 PM  

I am so happy for you! I am also glad you wrote this post. I have been feeling like I am the only one who has hose thoughts of it is never going to happen. We've been testing since Wednesday and all are negative. Unless we have a huge surprise from the blood test tomorrow morning we are on to IVF. After 30 and maybe 31 fails I am ready to see a positive.

Have a great weekend and enjoy telling anyone and everyone you want to!!!!! Obviously, those saying you should wait have never felt the heartbreak we have. You absolutely deserve this!

Life in the UK October 10, 2010 at 5:34 PM  

Yes you are!!! We are moms and it is okay to enjoy it :) We have been through so much to here. we should be able to shout it from the roof tops :) Oh, I wrote you back on my blog. Hang in there, I am right there with you friend :)

Shawna October 11, 2010 at 4:00 AM  

Hi there, I just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your blog. I am a brand new follower and had been googling "ivf blogs". I am getting ready to start my very first IF adventure in December. My husband and I will be doing IVF/ICSI. Anyways, congratulations to you, I am looking forward to following your progress. :-)

Jade @ Flip Flops + Pearls Design October 13, 2010 at 12:51 PM  

ERIN!!!!! I have to find out on Blogger!!!!! I am soooooooo excited for you guys!!!

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